First, I want to make it clear while what we did may seem noble to some, its roots were the best kind of "selfish." But my understanding of selfishness is probably not your idea of selfishness. None of us lives in a vacuum. What is good for me must, by the very nature of goodness, be good for others as well. In my darkest moments during our first year, I must admit that my motivation was not to do what was best for my husband or our families or our friends. My motivation was to do what was best for me. What was best for me?
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.
I believe that confusion comes when we are unable to discern what is truly in our own interest. If we confuse our laziness with our self-interest, there will no doubt be problems, not just for others, but for ourselves as well. If we imagine that escaping a bad marriage will benefit us more than getting down to the hard work of becoming a better person and enabling our spouse to become a better person, I believe we are sadly mistaken. It was difficult to learn how to take care of each other, just as it is difficult to learn how to take care of ourselves.
Overcoming difficulty enriches us. Laziness depraves us.
As long as our perspective is broad and clear, we cannot do harm to others when we do what is best for us. To do what is truly best for one is to do what is truly best for all.